Sunday, February 12

oh you know... just whatever...

So here is my confession: I began yoga last week, for the first time ever and in a week's short time, it's already shaping the way I think. So many women in my life, a few that are my brides from work and a few others that are fellow photogs, have gently nudged me into this beautiful world of
  b r e a t h i n g.

I'm making avocado potato soup now. I can hear it boiling as I type on the opposite side of the kitchen. To my right is a few sips remaining of a dry red wine. I have only a few moments, so I must think fast.

I hate blog posts like this. Because the moment I open my mouth and release something in this wide wide world something becomes of it. I can only pray that something good will happen... I am willing it into existence then.

I did the videos. I've owned two different yoga dvds in the past and both didn't impress me and I couldn't do the poses anyway so why bother? I've always been enamored by the concept. I've been at an interesting point in my life the last year. So much disappointment in so many areas that I was tired of not being able to let it all go. I hated how my frustration would seep slowly into my work life, into my relationship with John. I didn't think I was an angry person. WHY was I letting this get to me so and how come I couldn't just deal with it already??

Well it's the little things. I'd somewhat reverted back to childhood and when I couldn't get my way I'd start throwing a little tantrum. But one thing I've heard over and over again from a dear friend when asking her plans for the day "Oh... you know... just whatever..." and I've envied her free spirit, her casual ability to just let it go. If it didn't happen according to the schedule, she'd just deal with it. It wasn't just in the days plans, it was in so many areas of her life. I admired that trait and witnessed it in several of my dear yogi friends. It wasn't until I went to yoga for the third time that I connected the dots.

When I walked out of the class the second time I went to yoga (sweaty yoga, I might add) I felt the most carefree that I have felt in years. What is it? There was magic in those bullets of sweat that came pouring off me for that hour. Magic in those last few moments of breathing, of coming to, of awakening. So much is going on in my head, so many business ideas, so many family issues, so many personal problems... in a small way, yoga quiets that. It helps to put everything in perspective...

Needless to say with this spark of energy, the clarity I've experienced the last week, I told a fellow confidant of my delve into yoga and invited her to join me. Her immediate negative reaction was reminiscent of the last two years of people trying to get me to go. I wondered if she was like me. I wasn't ready and honestly, the timing wasn't right. "If your spirit has lead you into this cave, then surely it will lead you out."

I guess all that I can say is the best rule of thumb ever, is to follow your heart.
I wasn't ready to let it go.

Now I don't want to hold on...

(This photo was taken when my lovely friend Gina from California  ( visited me last week. She was one of those, the quiet encouragement and support in my life to just let it all go , though I had no idea she did yoga herself! )

My glass of wine is empty. My soup is getting cold. 
But.... you know.... whatever. :)

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